Day Sixteen: The Other Wedding Bookend
Arriving in the U.S.A
Let’s pick up exactly where we left off—sitting in a Saudi Arabian airport lounge at midnight, watching departure boards for any sign that my mysterious destination flight might actually take off.
I left the lounge and headed to the gate, where I found myself among the other displaced souls attempting their own escapes from the region.
Sitting there was one of the guys who’d been hired by someone in Crown Heights conducting those exorbitant escape tours. We got to talking about the differences between his trip and ours, and it turns out his journey was almost identical to ours—some would say even less efficient. The kicker? The people on his trip had to pay $2,000 USD per person. Our prices were, let’s just say, a fraction of that. I realized how incredibly lucky we were that my cousin Mendel decided to organize this “escape” on his own.
We finally boarded, and the smoking mirrors continue as I settled in next to a woman from Tahiti. Now, this is where things get interesting, because this Tahitian woman has quite possibly the most bizarre living situation I’ve ever encountered.
She lives in Tahiti full-time. Her husband is an American who is currently banned from America because he’s avoiding jail time. So instead, he lives in Saudi Arabia, in a city about an hour flight away from Riyadh. Once a year, she flies from Tahiti to visit him. Once a year, he flies to Tahiti to visit her. She hates his Saudi city so much that she makes him fly into Riyadh every time she comes to visit rather than going to where he actually lives.
She was supposed to be on an Air France flight to Paris, but it was canceled due to airspace closures because of the Iran attack on the regionU.S. . So instead of going Paris-somewhere-Tahiti, she was now going to… well, let’s keep that mysterious for now, shall we?
When her original flight was canceled, her husband called her and said, “Please don’t go full Tahitian mode on these poor Saudi Arabians—they’re a people of peace and calm.” But she told me she compared herself to Maui from Moana and said, “I went into Maui mode, and they saw what a true Tahitian demigoddess is capable of.”
With the help of a little friend (aka poor man’s business class), I fell asleep for what turned out to be just under a 13-hour flight. I slept for eight hours, woke up for half an hour to have some noodle soup, then fell back asleep until pretty much landing time. If you can’t afford business class, you’ve got to make your own business class.
After 13 hours in the air, I immediately arrived at the airport and—tada!—it was finally back home to New York! But you think the adventure’s over? Think again.
I immediately got on another flight to Charlotte, North Carolina, and then another flight to my final destination, where you find me writing this blog.
In the Charlotte airport, in the middle of the C gates, I sat next to a nice couple—very Southern, very WASPy and I decided it was time for Shachris. So I put on my tefillin right there in the gate area, not having to worry about the Egyptian evil-eye of yesterday. They waited very patiently for me to finish, and both asked, “Hey, those are those little black boxes we see people wearing all over the place. What are they?” I gave them a thorough explanation, showing them both the shel yad and shel rosh and then blowing their minds when I showed them the almost identical Rabbeinu Tam pair I had. They were all very polite and genuinely curious.
In the middle of our conversation, four men approached us—what looked like a father and three sons of various ages, all of them clearly possessing great physical prowess and obviously military. The father came over to me and said, “You’re from Israel, right?”
“Actually no,” I replied, “I’m from Australia, live in New York, but I am indeed coming from Israel. Just escaped the war zone.”
He was baffled. “I just came over to speak to you because one of my sons was stationed in Iraq, and we’re religious Christians. He saw what that region is like, and he has nothing but respect for the Jews who live in the middle of all that and still keep going every day—not just surviving, but flourishing. I saw those little black boxes, and we’ve seen them before. I just wanted to tell you that we’re with you and we pray for you.”
Take that for an unexpected encounter.
Then came my final flight from Charlotte to my destination. I was stuck in a middle seat on an American Airlines flight, which was about as comfortable as you’d imagine. On my left was a man who must have weighed 350 pounds, and on my right was what could only be described as a CEO, clacking away on his laptop for the entirety of the flight. Even when we landed and were waiting to disembark, he was still furiously typing emails. He must have sent 35 emails during that flight. Very impressive efficiency—I aspire to be that productive.
And finally, I landed in Houston.
I tried to get to my actual destination—the wedding of a good friend—which was an hour and a half away from the airport. For 15 minutes, I waited for an Uber to accept the long ride. Finally, a driver named Ivan accepted. I immediately texted him, promising a good tip to make sure he’d actually fulfill the ride, having been burned by last-minute cancellations before.
When I got in the car, Ivan had a Google Translate message ready for me, welcoming me warmly. It was very pleasant, and he’s been quietly focused on getting me to my destination ever since.
By the time I got into Ivan’s Uber, it had been 46 hours since I first left Jerusalem. Forty-six hours of Toyota minivans, border crossings, broken ATMs, airport flocks, mysterious Tahitian women, Xanax-induced sleep, military families, cramped middle seats, and Google Translate welcomes.
So here you find me, en route to a wedding in Texas, bookending this entire adventure. The whole trip started with one wedding in London, and it’s sort of ending with another wedding here.
Until tomorrow when I complete this circle, this is Waylen, reporting live from the back seat of Ivan’s Uber, somewhere on the highways of Texas.
Until next time!
